This post has been months in the making. I bought this shirt last year and intended on shooting it right away and posting but it took me a long time to get here. I was nervous. I am nervous. This shirt is bold and what I’m about to share is bold. I hope it challenges you. I hope it makes you think. And mostly, I hope it makes you know that you are valuable and worthy and deserve the utmost respect.
Growing up at home, my mom would always ask me when I said I liked a guy if I had talked to him about porn. Um. What. No, Mooooom. That’s weird. And too much right now. I’ve barely even told him I liked him yet. Still figuring it out, ya know? So why on EARTH would I ever even think to ask about that. I’m still not sure I’ve got down all his siblings names. We can’t go THERE yet. Plus even if we were a little more serious, that’s a very awkward subject. Like how even would I approach that converstation. “Oh hey. You’re cute. So what’s your experience with porn?” (Honestly even now, it feels weird to write the word out.)
There was a time when I really didn’t understand much about the harmful affects of porn. I knew I thought it was wrong and wouldn’t want anyone I dated or married to have that struggle but I didn’t really know much else. We talked about it in youth group here and there, but every time we did, I would stare at my girlfriends awkwardly and wonder when this was going to be over. In the church, it’s talked about sometimes but usually avoided altogether. In the world, it’s “normal”. I know girls in serious committed relationships who say they are “ok” with their significant other looking at/watching porn. It baffles me to no end. Just the thought of it makes me sick.
Fast forward a few years to age 24 when I met my husband. He was tall, with dark brown hair and blue eyes, my literal dream boy. (No really. I have in a journal from when I was 17 somewhere what I wanted my husband to look like. Tall. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Oh and plays guitar. Um check. Check. Check. And CHECK.) Within a few weeks, I had this feeling about him. Like a forever kind of feeling. And all of the sudden my mom’s advice popped into my head. To talk about porn with a boy I liked. Never saw that coming. I can be a very bold girl when I need to be. If something is important and needs to be talked about, and I feel like I can’t rest until it is, I will do whatever I have to to talk about it.
So of course, I picked the most natural setting to bring it up. #sarcasm. (Like basically my joking above about the conversation is how I did it. 😛 ) It was LITERALLY about three weeks into us officially dating. We were sitting in my car outside of Starbucks and still working on getting to know each other. But I had this thing inside me where I knew I couldn’t be normal until it was talked about. So basicallly I said something like, “So I know this might be hard to talk about, but I know that a lot of guys struggle with porn. Have you ever had an issue with it?” Leading up to this post, I talked to my husband again about that day and how he felt. He said he was completely shocked that I would ever even think to bring that up. He had NEVER talked about it before ever with anyone. (That’s where I think we come up with such a problem. Nobody is talking.) He answered me truthfully and honestly. It was hard. But looking back, I am so glad I did talk about it. I don’t wish I waited until we were more serious. It was the perfect timing. The reality is probably EVERY single guy ever has been exposed to it at some point. So if it’s everywhere, we need to be talking about it. Because if we talk about it, maybe we’ll save ourselves from a lot of hardship. My husband’s honest answer was that yes, he had struggled with it and the temptation of it for a short period of time. Not a lot. But yes, it had been a struggle. And even the tiniest bit of struggle affected him. And me. But you know what, God has been so faithful. He gave me grace to understand and gave Ben the forgiveness he needed.
Since that day, it has not once been a problem, and it’s been almost five years. Do we talk about it still? Yes. Often, actually. Because keeping an open conversation about it is the best way to avoid any problems. Ben and I also made sex in our relationship a very valuable and sacred thing. We dated for three LONG years. And we waited all of that time until our wedding day to have sex. Don’t get me wrong. It was terribly hard. But it was SO worth it. And I think it just made us respect each other so much more. And established that in our relationship, sex was going to be something very sacred that was just for the two of us. Not just in actuality but even when it came to allowing images or other things in that could skew our perceptions. Because porn really does kill love. Maybe slowly but it does.
Girls, I beg you. Talk to your man about porn. You might say you don’t care or it doesn’t affect you. But it does. You are worth MORE than that. You deserve to be respected. To be valued. To be the only girl that your man allows himself to think about. And talk about sex. If you’re not married yet, talk about how to preserve the sacredness of it. If you are, still continue talking about things you can do to protect that part of your relationship. Sex is a beautiful, wonderful gift from God. Our world has turned it into an industry that destroys the viewer and the viewed to the very core of their being. I’ve seen marriages torn apart over it. Girls that are drowning in insecurity and not feeling valued or beautiful. You are worth it. Believe it, and start the conversation. I’m so thankful I did. God has blessed me immeasureably more than I ever could have imagined. I never even have a worry or insecurity creep in that it “might” be a problem because I know I am loved, valued and respected by my husband and that I’m the only girl for him.I feel comfortable, beautiful and sexy in my own body that is only for my husband. You should feel that way too.
And that’s why when I first saw this Fight the New Drug tee, I felt this thing rise up inside me, and I knew I had to get it and write a post about it. It stirred up this passion inside me about talking about porn that I didn’t know was there. Then I went to check out the website and knew I had to support this amazing company. Their site is amazing. They provide all the facts you need to know about why porn is harmful and even provide help and counseling for those in need. Plus they have other super cool tees that are a little less bold, but still have an awesome message and could stir up conversation. Be sure to check them out, and if you are inclined, support them! No one asked me to say any of this. This is just a movement I truly believe in with all my heart. We need to take a stand and start talking. Let’s give ’em something to talk about. How about LOVE?
I love you all so much! I hope you can hear my heart in all this! If you have any questions at all about anything, feel free to email me. I would love to talk to you: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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